Insidious Contraption of thoughts

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6th-Oct-2009 02:37 pm - All that she wrote

deep within the recesses of how i feel...

I guess I am now having second thoughts... Let it be known that regardless of the outcome of the next few days.. I was in it for the long haul. I do want to settle down. I do want to have a family and i do want to be a father already.. but I constantly ask myself how much more of this can i take..

I know you have issues but i do too, I know that your anger gets the best of you. but im no door mat. IM a living breathing feeling person and I have feelings too. When push comes to shove, when things are at their worst why cant you permit me the fundamental right of a human being to feel.

The longer we have been together the less you have learned to recognize my feelings, the less you recognize that you are disrespecting me more and more. All the efforts that I have done i have done for us. Not just for me. for you me and the child. .but at the end of the day I still see the same disheartening look of discontent in your eyes.. you are not happy. and it makes me wonder if if you ever will be.

There once was a time you would look at me and say that im a great man.. Now all i see is your anger and your lack of contentment.. and I am beginning to wonder if we have any future at this point..

Tags:all that she wrote
Location:office
Mood:depressed
Music:All that she wrote by Default

22nd-Sep-2009 03:51 pm - Some personal Heroes

In line with my previous post I wanted to post some Personal heroes of mine both from Fiction and Real life...... complete with reasons why..

Not in order

1) John Constantine:

Although not something I would want my kids to look up to. I just figured out last night why I like this guy so much. He is the Occult Super Soldier. he has literally looked the Devil and Hell in the face and said fuck you. His knowledge of the occult and magic are legendary and he pretty much is the "guy" to go to when it comes to magick and occultism. The jaded outlook on life he has is because of the countless battles he has fought against hell and the supernatural. So whats there not to love in him! heheheh

2) President Obama
I honestly dont give two shits about all the political propaganda people are using against MY president. ALL i can say is that he is the MAN. the MAN who said to the WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD my favorite phrase. IMPOSSIBLE NOTHING!!!!! Years ago people would said There will NEVER be a black president of the US. Im so honored that he took those words and shoved them up the world collective ass. He was the man who made the entire world believe that there is NOTHING that is impossible. ANd because of that I Honor this man as MY PRESIDENT.

3) Franz Bardon
In the real world. He had the mastery of the magick that i continue to immerse myself in. THe most beautiful thing was that he did not go Crowley on the world and even allowed himself to die before giving his secrets to the Nazi war party. He will be the master of masters in my book and hence I give my honor to Franz Bardon.. My occult Hero

4) Captain America
Think of the word Leader, Father, Commander, and Hero. Captain america is it. He lived with all the ideals, values and conviction that I myself would want in a leader.. and even died for them. For that he is my Comic Hero

5) Al Gore
This is the man who said to the world.. Ok you take my presidency from me... and ill help not just save the United states. but the entire world. .In spite of his unfair loss to the bushwacker Al Gore still fought to make a difference in terms of enviromentalism. And because of that He was granted a prize that Bush will never even be considered for. The Nobel Prize. And for that I grant him my Uncrowned King Hero status

6) Gandhi
Proved that peace can be the the way.. although I do not adhere to his philosophy. I must say he is the last avatar we have seen.

7) Siddharta Gotama
give me a palace, a kingdom, an empire. And a choice.. between being a war hero or a spiritual savior. And he chose the latter. Whats not to admire in this man? He deseves the title of my Buddha.

8) Magneto
Totally misunderstood. Yeah his means are rather dark. but he represents a reality. A reality that Apathy and LVX can not solve everything. Sometimes you need to take a stand and fight back against oppression and injustice. He is recognized as a Hero amongst his entire species even if his methods are always questionale. He therefore deserves the status of my Necessary Evil

9) Jesus Christ
The man who died for us all.. He will be known always as my savior.

22nd-Sep-2009 03:49 pm - a Time of heroes

The time of heroes is now. Stop thinking that you're just one person because Jesus, Siddhartha, Gandhi and Mohammed were all just one person as well...but they changed the world. You can do the same. You just need to believe...

Tags:time of heroes
Location:NCTU
Mood:accomplished
Music:New 3 days Grace album

2nd-Sep-2009 04:03 pm - The Evocation of Och

Spent the afternoon summoning the Olympic spirit Och: here are his attributes

Solar interests are administered by OCH, who prolongs life to six hundred years, with perfect health therein. He imparts great wisdom, gives excellent (familiar) spirits, composes perfect medicines, converts any substance into the purest of metals, or into precious stones; he also bestows gold and a purse, quaintly described by the English translator of the Arbatel as "springing with gold." He causes the possessor of his character to be worshipped as a god by the kings of the whole world.

Something tells me it will be better for me to summon him yet again on Sunday..

Appeared to me as A collossus made of Gold. Utilized Tattwa Walking substituting a Tattwa for his sigil. Things can be very luminiscent in the Solar Realm

Tags:och the solar spirit
Location:NACTAG
Mood:aggravated

29th-Jul-2009 09:58 am - vindication

its been so very long.. I do not know if it were some ethereal quality in the person, or was it just me hypnotizing myself into wanting something outside of my spectrum. but alas the lessons, pains and trauma that accompanied my failure then caused me to re evaluate my entire existence.

That so called failure has led me to do things that I thought i could never do, meet people i would never have met and more importantly let me realize that there are always limits for me to break in my own paradigm. However in spite of my successes in that felt that I did not vindicate myself until now..

Now I have seen this enemy defeated, I am finally happy to say that chapter in my life is over and that it will never return. Vindication is mine...

11th-Jun-2009 10:42 pm - the return

alas my training is now towards its end.. all ive done and experienced i have aimed with the desire to incorporate this new knowledge into the initiative.. i look forward to magick and students once again... indeed the return draws near....

the old are returing, the new hear the calls.. we shall change the world into an image of esoteric service and dedication.. and we will purge evil from the wound it left behind on society..

22nd-May-2009 09:56 pm - the road so far...

How long could you survive on your own in the wild?

View 500 Answers

although i lag behind months of blogging there are some rather important developments within my sphere of influence i would want to share with everyone...ALas a more indepth entry will some day be written

1) I have my own radio show on Wave 89.1 Monday nights entitled SPOOK TALK with DJ Constantine
2) I have finally caught up with my Supernatural and Heroes episodes hehehe
3) Training is but a month away from compleaiton
4) I have many new friends, others have been re-classified others lost but many gained..
5) I now have a beautiful gf and a loving son
6) My esoteric practices are at an all time high
7) I have been keeping up with Marvel Avengers and the new DARK AVENGERS

8) Cris is back in Swiss
9) My birthday draws near
10) Im getting married next year!!!!!!!!

29th-Apr-2009 09:28 am - Writer's Block: Wild Life

How long could you survive on your own in the wild?

View 500 Answers

A day or two at most

Tags:survival skills, writer's block

29th-Apr-2009 09:25 am - Classes and Exhaustion

yet another day in my work related training... The days here start at 4am and can last past 5pm.. im surprised i made it this far

9th-Jan-2009 10:29 am - What is the Mysterium Intiative?

What is the Mysterium Initiative?

The Mysterium initiative is the living of a dream, a dream where the benevolent and responsible are the teachers of the determined and dedicated to the ways of the esoteric and the Occult. Thus Living up to the creed of EMPOWERING.

The Mysterium Initiative is a drive. A Drive to bring together those who believe that YES THEY CAN make a difference in this world, a drive to helping others realize this within themselves and recognize the heroes within all their members. For it is a time of Heroes and the time to bring our supporters together is now! Thus living up to the creed UNITING

The Mysterium initiative is a Hope. A hope that some day those with gifts in the esoteric will help heal this war torn world, and protect the traditions by carefully administering the teachings of the ages while seeing to it that all those who practice develop their divine gifts within in hopes of a culture of LOVE, HONOR and SERVICE thus loving up to the Creed of DEVELOPMENT

Over all what is The Mysterium Initiative? It’s the beginning of a New age where quality is taught to quality in terms of the Occult, and Service as well as patriotism if the final outcome. It is ACTION

Tags:what is the initiative

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The time of heroes is now. Stop thinking that you're just one person because Jesus, Siddhartha, Gandhi and Mohammed were all just one person as well...but they changed the world. You can do the same. You just need to believe...

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